Can You Hear the Music? My Journey Through Madness

***One of bphope’s 2023 Must-Read Books on Bipolar Disorder***

Ann Jeffers has it all: a tenure-track professorship at one of the top engineering universities in the country, a devoted wife, and a young child who adores her. But when she is diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features, she can’t help but feel she is losing her most valuable asset: her mind. Not only does she battle fluctuations in mood, Ann’s mental illness is further complicated by trauma from the Virginia Tech shooting, resulting in a perfect nightmare every time she sets foot in the classroom.

Ann embarks on a journey in search of the right medications and therapy, holding on to the hope that something will be able to save her life. But despite her best efforts, she suffers debilitating depressions and dangerous manias. Can You Hear the Music? is a story of perseverance and love, and it highlights the healing that can take place when the stigma of mental illness is overcome.

What started as a cathartic process has evolved into story that will have you turning pages. Can You Hear the Music? is a rare firsthand account of serious mental illness that tackles the trauma of school shootings head-on. It has the intensity and rawness of Susannah Cahalan’s Brain on Fire while showcasing a character overcoming insurmountable odds in the vein of Sarah Vallance’s Prognosis.

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Reviews

View reviews on Goodreads, Amazon, and StoryGraph.

Reader testimonials:

• “Put this book on your ‘to be read’ list.”
• “Easy to read and hard to put down.”
• “Very readable, felt like a familiar person was telling me about her experience. It also gives me hope.”
• “Wow.”

Press and Media Coverage

“In the aftermath of a shooting, campuses might add security measures and tweak protocols. But there’s no blueprint for how to deal with a building marred by violence, or how to navigate the trauma. Jeffers’s story illustrates a painful reality: Such tragedies have a long tail, and healing is messy.”

Kate Hidalgo Bellows, The Chronicle of Higher Education, April 1, 2024

“It was a very confusing time, and I wish there was more of a message that you can have bipolar disorder and live a pretty fulfilling life. That’s why at the end of my book there’s this message of hope — that treatment does start to help, and things do come together.”

Jeffers to bpHope, Dec. 18, 2023

“Sometimes when I’m having a manic episode, I’ll hear and see things that aren’t there. Often, I’ll hear music—I’ll be laying in bed and hear this music that is so beautiful. But I can’t share it with anybody. It’s both a bizarre and beautiful thing.”

Jeffers to Michigan Engineering News, Nov. 30, 2023

Podcast episodes

Take care of your mental health, Episode 146, The Fire Science Show with Wojciech Węgrzyński, April 3, 2024 (1 hour)

Attend one of my talks

Fill out the contact form to invite me to speak on anything from trauma to serious mental illness to mental health in academia! View one of my talks below:

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Buy a shirt

For a limited time, I have shirts for sale to help offset editing costs for my memoir and to raise awareness of serious mental illness. Go to https://www.bonfire.com/publish-this-mental-health-memoir/ for more details. A donation of $25 gets you a t-shirt, $40 gets you a hoodie. International shipping available.